I like Tupac, I like him a lot, and I know he was raised by a single mother and often showed a great deal of respect for women. But he also had a song where the hook was “everywhere I go, I see the same hos” and his threats to Biggie include assertions that he fucked his (Biggie’s) wife. So don’t give me a GIF set and tell me Tupac was some kind of feminist anomaly in a the deeply patriarchal culture of gangsta rap.
He was better than some but he could still have been better. That said, RIP.
Violence & Silence: Jackson Katz, Ph.D at TEDxFiDiWomen (by TEDxTalks)
This video is really good. A lot of it is nothing new but it’s explained and presented really well. I like it when men have strong opinions about gender issues and women’s issues and makes a good point about why it’s important for men to talk about this sort of thing.
It’s 20 minutes but well paced and totally worth it.
… the socialization of boys regarding masculinity is often at the expense of women. I came to realize that we don’t raise boys to be men, we raise them not to be women (or gay men). We teach boys that girls and women are “less than” and that leads to violence by some and silence by many. It’s important for men to stand up to not only stop men’s violence against women but, to teach young men a broader definition of masculinity that includes being empathetic, loving and non-violent.
Don McPherson, former NFL quarterback, feminist and educator (via albinwonderland)
My mother always taught me that men dressed as women shouldn’t be viewed as inherently funnier than women dressed as men. It’s not funny to be a woman. Just like when Azealia Banks said she used the word faggot to refer to any man who acts like a female. There is nothing wrong with being or acting like a woman.
To that end, there are lots of different ways to be a man. And a lot of homophobia stems from gay men seeming more like women/less like men and men fearing they will be perceived as women/less than men if they even approach accepting anything remotely gay. But gay men are still men. And feminine men are still men.
In my Feminist Theory class, we opened with a class discussion of The Feminine Mystique’s strengths and weaknesses. This book was written about the bigotry experienced by 1960’s white, middle-class, suburban housewives, and it assumes that all women experience the same bigotry.
Thanks to disgusting and/or ignorant people like the Steubenville rapists, their enablers, Todd Akin, teems of moronic internet commenters, over 20 senators voting against VAWA, and a tragically tone deaf and clueless media, we are at a specific moment in this country where we’re talking about…
I think for too long myself and a lot of people like me assumed because we thought of rape the very definition of wrong, everyone thought along those same lines, only to discover now, in 2013, that for a lot of the country the subject even being brought up triggers a lot of queasy “now, boys will be boys and girls should reconsider their skirt length” sentiment that results in the perpetrators being viewed as victims and victims finding themselves Hester Prynned at the moment they most need to be listened to and supported.
I am dumb for not having realized the degree to which a lot of people in America think rape is a gray area, or a feminist fiction engineered to vilify boys who just can’t be held responsible for their silly penises do when Jezebels are in the mix. I’m sure everyone who’s ever been raped is already well aware of the echo chamber of judgement our society presents to victims.
Fernie is right: we as a country need to have this discussion now, and not let the conclusion of that discussion be “Did you know girls lie sometimes? And, like, society is very confusing for boys these days!”
Y’all go read this whole thing.
It goes beyond whether rape jokes are funny, or whether women should carry guns ad wear burkas. When a man rapes a woman (or anyone) it is his fault. Period. Not hers. It is also the fault of a society that conditions otherwise normal people to think women are not worth as much as men. That it’s okay to treat women this way.Yes, some rapists are psychopaths, but far too many of them are otherwise normal and well adjusted boys and men. Well adjusted to the society that continually permits rape, forgives rapists and blames victims.
Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it’s all a male fantasy: that you’re strong enough to take what they dish out, or else too weak to do anything about it. Even pretending you aren’t catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you’re unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.
It really bothered me that her defense of using the word faggot was that she meant it to describe “any male who acts like a female.” I don’t care what your gender, race or sexual identity is, but insulting a male because they act life a female is harmful to women.